I had a life changing experience recently. While the experience itself, a stint in the hard-core Kajang prison for a week, is a book in the making - the behaviour of human beings in exceptional situations, is worth a musing. I debated with myself for many days whether I should pen this piece in case it got read in a misconstrued manner but to remain silent, and not talk of my pain and disappointments, would be really hypocritical. Those who know me, know that I have always been one who speaks his mind without fear or favour. And so here it goes.
When the news of my (temporary) incarceration spread and the only way to free me was to pass the hat around to collect a sizeable amount towards the fine/bail became apparent, so did the true nature of friends and, sadly, family.
My soulmate, Wei Ling, called on (what we then thought were) our staunch supporters to pitch in towards the collection. She had considered carefully the financial affordability of those we sought assistance from. In other words, those that she asked help from, could more than afford to chip in. Don't get me wrong, a donation or a loan, is always at the option of the giver so I cannot assume that everyone will be as caring for my liberty. Considering that my freedom for a long stretch was at stake, mistakenly, I thought that people who claimed to be family and close friends, would want to see me "free" and therefore, would put aside all non critical cash calls and loan/contribute to the pool. That's when the proverbial "shit hit the fan" scenario ensued.
But first, my utmost appreciation to those who came forth even before WL could ask....and these were, by far, few. And some, I really apologize as I didn't know how deep your friendship/concern was for me....you showed it with you heart (and wallet) when it mattered most. I will always remember you. What touched me was, some of you, I hadn't seen or heard from for years and when you saw the news splashed across the media, quickly called WL and offered assistance immediately before she even asked. And then, there are those that organized "support groups" to pass the hat around towards the pool. Again, I am very thankful for your concern. You know who you are so I will keep it at that for privacy. All in all, we managed to raise the sizeable bail money to free me. I'm not sure if I can ever repay all or part of the monies contributed but it's a debt I will always remember. When I bounce back, every penny will be repaid till I'm alive.
But here come the "kick in the balls" incidents so to speak. Some who are multi millionaires (I'm an accountant and I know the numbers too well), gave absolutely feeble excuses when asked to chip in. To list them, would be laughable so I will spare you the insult. Suffice to say, it was short of telling me "Sorry mate, you can rot in jail but I'm gonna go for my Mediterranean holiday instead". Offering prayers instead of cash at crisis time - yes, it was considerably offensive if you were in my shoes. I respect your prayers but it's akin to telling a drowning man in a shark infested tank that "god" will save him instead of immediately throwing a rope to yank him to safety - well, you know how he feels. Even worse, were those who owed me monies (for years) and quietly decided not to repay in this moment of crisis. Perhaps they thought that my unfortunate circumstance would render it a bad debt automatically? As I'd said earlier, I did not expect everyone to chip in but at least, when asked, the least would be to give a plausible reason. Some went silent or avoided taking the follow up call. Some went into a tirade on the systemic failures - yes, we all know. But one has to be out to fight the busted system. When "inside" - I had no voice, no eyes and perhaps, almost no will. When I was informed of this false (yes, it appeared like that) empathy, I felt really disappointed - some of these pretenders, I had gone out of my way to assist them in the past in their moments of hardship. I had assisted in paying car installments, home mortgage, medical bills and even donating towards children's university fees etc. I had even paid "along" debts to prevent their family from being attacked. Maybe I'm naive in expecting reciprocal decency. Perhaps guilt beguiled some of them to courtesy call, after my release, and offer pathetic excuses.....to avoid venting my disappointment, I refused to respond as I would have blurted my true feelings. It's clear that these are fair weather friends.....when the sun shines, you wanna play with me. When it rains, you will run away, along with the umbrella it seems.
In lamenting this situation to my Dad, he told me "I have always told you, to test a man's sincerity, ask him for some big money. You can then decide who is your true friend". Dad is right. Money talks, bullshit walks.
WL and I have decided that from now on, we will really be circumspect in our friendships. This message is sincere, even though not necessarily politically correct. Truth really hurts.........I found out the painful way.
Having fair weather friends is not good for my health. I don't hope for you to suffer my fate. Thank you.
Ramesh
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